


This Isn't Love

by Labyrinth_Runner



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Gen, Movie: Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, POV Padmé Amidala, Post-Duel on Mustafar (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28062984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Labyrinth_Runner/pseuds/Labyrinth_Runner
Summary: A slight retelling of the end of Revenge of the Sith from Padmé's Point of View. Nothing changes, just the way you'll view the scene, hopefully.
Relationships: anidala - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	This Isn't Love

Her heart was thudding in her chest with anxiety. What Obi-Wan had said couldn’t be true. He would _never_ have done that. Not her Anakin. Not her sweet, _loving_ Anakin who’s love was the only thing that kept her warm at night in a cold galaxy that set her stomach in knots of dread. But… Obi-Wan wasn’t a liar. Obi-Wan was the only Jedi she trusted. Yet, her heart and her hope were telling her two different things as she piloted her cruiser towards Mustafar. She didn’t know which emotion to give into, so instead she just cried, resting her head on her hands. This day had not gone as planned. This wasn’t the life she wanted for her children.

The red ball of fire came into view and she took the ship down for a landing. She saw a figure standing there, a shadow amongst the bright backdrop. Rushing down the ramp to the hot planet below, she saw that the shadowy specter was her husband. 

“Padmé, I saw your ship-” Anakin started to say when she crashed into his arms. 

“Oh, Anakin,” she murmured. She _needed_ reassurance. She needed him to tell her it wasn’t true. If he did, then they could go back to being a happy family. She could return to being his happy wife.

“It’s alright, you’re safe now,” he murmured, “What are you doing out here?”

What _was_ she doing out here? She trusted her husband. A man who held her like this surely couldn’t have done anything like what Obi-Wan had told her. “I was so worried about you,” she said quickly, “Obi-Wan told me terrible things.”

“What things?” Anakin asked cautiously.

Padmé swallowed the lump in her throat, “He said that you had turned to the dark side.” She trailed off before adding the impossible truth, “ _That you had killed younglings.”_

The father of her child could _never_ do that. 

“Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me,” Anakin seethed.

Padmé blinked. That wasn’t a denial. That wasn’t reassurance. That was a ‘ _it’s me against him’_ mentality. That didn’t make sense. Not when Obi-Wan had been his best friend and a friend to her for so many years. Surely Anakin knew that wasn’t true. “He cares about us.”

“ _Us_?” Anakin asked incredulously.

Padmé blushed, “He knows.” She looked into his eyes. They were such a strange color. Not the familiar blue that she was used to drowning in. “He wants to help you.”

Anakin shook his head, “Is Obi-Wan going to protect you? He can’t … he can’t help you. He’s not strong enough. “

 _That dream again_. She wished he didn’t put so much stock in it. It wasn’t what really mattered, “Anakin, all I want is your love.”

“Love won’t save you, Padmé. Only my new powers can do that,” Anakin said like it was obvious.

He needed to see reason. She _had_ to make him see reason. “At what cost? You are a good person. Don’t do this,” she pleaded. 

“I won’t lose you the way I lost my mother! I’ve become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of and I’ve done it for _you_. To _protect_ _you_ ,” he said emphatically.

Padmé took his hands in hers to plead her case. If he loved her, truly, then he would listen. She took a deep breath, searching his eyes for some flicker of familiarity. A drop of rain that could douse the inferno. “Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can.”

Anakin grinned, “Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic. I am more powerful than the Chancellor. I can overthrow him, and together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be.”

A feeling of dread made her blood turn cold. All these years since she’d fallen in love with Anakin on Naboo, she had been waiting for that other shoe to drop. She knew their love would be difficult, but she had never expected this. A man who thought like this… with _ambitions_ like these… was dangerous. She thought she knew him, but how could she know someone like this? The man before him was not the man she thought she married. It felt like a rug was ripped out from beneath her.

“I don’t believe what I’m hearing,” she said, shaking her head, “Obi-Wan was right. _You’ve changed_.”

“I don’t want to hear any more about Obi-Wan,” he said dismissively, “The Jedi turned against me. Don’t you turn against me.”

Turn against him? How could he _say_ that? It was he who had turned against her, against democracy and the Republic. _Against_ _reason_. _Against_ _morality_. “I don’t know you anymore. Anakin, you’re breaking my heart. I’ll never stop loving you-” _Or the man I thought you were_ , she wanted to add- “but you are going down a path I can’t follow,” she said with tears in her eyes. 

“Because of Obi-Wan?” he asked.

She wanted to laugh. How could he still think that it was about Obi-Wan? After all he had done, how could the deciding factor in this be another man and not his own actions? “Because of what you’ve done,” she sighed in frustration, “what you plan to do.” 

She couldn’t just give up, could she? That would mean throwing away years of a relationship without a fight, and if Padmé was anything, it was a fighter. She tried to plead with him once more, “ _Stop._ Stop now. Come back!“ she begged. Softly, she murmured, “I love you.”

At one time, that would have been enough.

“ _Liar_!” Anakin yelled.

Padmé turned to see Obi-Wan stepping out of her ship. With horror, she realized what would happen next. She knew the man behind her, and she knew what he was capable of and what he stood for. 

“No!” she yelled, as much for her husband to understand that this wasn’t what she wanted as well as to stop the Jedi Master walking towards them.

Anakin’s face twisted into one of hurt and betrayal, mirroring her own, no doubt. “You’re with him. You’ve betrayed me! You brought him here to kill me!”

“ _No_!” she said emphatically, “Anakin, I didn’t! _I swear_ -” her eyes burned with tears as she felt her air supply be cut off. She clawed for her throat to relieve the pressure that wasn’t physically there, trying in vain to alleviate her suffering. Her vision started to fade like she was drowning in the dark depths of the ocean. The world was dark and a coldness seeped in as she faintly heard Obi-Wan yelling for her husband to let her go, to stop hurting her.

Isn’t it funny? Having to ask someone who loves you to stop causing you pain. In the back of her mind, she registered how ridiculous that was. If love was true, that wouldn’t be something that would ever have to be asked. _No_ , she thought sadly, _Begged_.

A faint hand touched her with kindness as the reality of her situation came crashing down around her. The man she loved was gone. Memories flashed through her mind. Her and Anakin in the meadow on Naboo. The two of them bonding on Tatooine as he started to let her in. The fear of almost losing him on Geonosis. Their wedding, holding his hand by the lake and knowing they would build a new future together, and feeling like all her dreams were coming true. The fear of being pregnant, but the joy at how happy they were about it. The love she had was endless. She thought it was enough to sustain them across the stars. But it wasn’t. She should have known it would never been enough. The Order hadn’t been enough. Why would she be? Not for Anakin. 

She remembered every time he came back to Coruscant. All those times she’d reassured him that they’d be okay. She had failed, unable to break through the walls he had put up around his furnace heart. The walls kept the flame lit, but did little for their relationship. People who loved each other didn’t keep secrets from each other. People who loved each other didn’t hide their thoughts and feelings. People who loved each other could _**trust**_ each other.

Padmé felt like she was sinking, suspended in an ocean of her tears. How could someone who said he loved her hurt her like this? _This isn’t love,_ she realized with a trembling lip.

Had it ever been?

Love was supposed to bring out the best in both people. Being with Anakin hadn’t done that. She had changed who she was for Anakin. With a swallow, she realized she’d sacrificed her good judgment and level head just to be with him, breaking the standards she held for herself, in spite of herself. Gently, she crossed her hands over her belly, wanting the comfort of the life inside her, the harsh reminder of all she had just lost, of the dream that came to an end.

A sad smile flitted across her face as she thought on the last few nights on Coruscant. He had been there, but not really, always darting off here and there without real explanation. Loneliness wasn’t new to her, having become accustomed to it during the war, but she had felt lonely when he was home. He was there, but he wasn’t her’s when he was, regardless of what he told her. 

She thought of his nightmares, feeling tears slip down her cheeks. “ _I couldn’t reach you.”_

Folding in on herself, she started to sob. Watching how he defended Palpatine in spite of all the evidence against him, watching how he had turned against her, the one he promised to always love, for the sake of Palpatine… She knew she could never have told him about the group she had formed with Bail. She had distanced herself from him, withdrawing without even realizing it. Had this been her fault? She had reached out to Obi-Wan because she thought he could make a difference where she hadn’t. It had all been futile, hadn’t it? 

Love was supposed to be powerful, but in the end it wasn’t. _Because this isn’t love,_ she sniffed as she straightened, _how could a great love be built on so many lies and secrets? I was right. It would destroy us, and it did._ The light above the surface was streaming down on her face. She started to kick towards it, propelling herself forward with tired resolve. 

She had been cold to him in the end, telling him she wouldn’t follow him, but it was the right thing to do. She knew that in her bones, because before she had been a Skywalker, she had been Amidala. Regardless of her marital status, she was, and would still _always_ be Padmé Amidala.

Padmé Amidala was a fierce champion of others. She was a Senator, a former Queen, and a soon-to-be mother. Any power she ever sought was for the sake of love. Love for her people, love for the _galaxy and democracy_. It was that love for her people that made it impossible for her to follow her husband. It was that love for her people that was well known, which made the fact that he would even _ask_ her to turn her back on them sting all the more. 

Someone who loved her would never ask her to do that.

He said this was all for her, but she wasn’t the one grabbing for power. _He_ was. This wasn’t done out of love. It was done out of jealousy and greed, and he was too blind to even realize it. Padmé shut her eyes tight as she was about to break through the surface. _Was love even real?_

Padmé opened her eyes to gaze upon Obi-Wan Kenobi. In his arms were two precious bundles that she had named. They were hers. They were _his_. She swallowed. Could she even do this without Anakin? Would they even be safe with her? Or would they be better off without her? There were so many questions that she didn’t have the answer to, and she probably never would. Her head was spinning and her focus was gone.

She was so incredibly tired. Every breath was difficult. Her heart felt tight with the knowledge that everything she’d stood for was gone. Everything she dreamed was gone. Her hope was slowly fading. Although those two children were beautiful, they were also reminders that hurt so much to look at. 

Obi-Wan was pleading with her, but she barely heard him, eyes trailing him slowly. _Yes, he will take care of them for me_. She trusted him. With her life, and with theirs. Her eyes fluttered closed as she only felt her heartbeat resonating in her chest.

 _Good god, I’m done_ , she thought weakly. 

She thought of amber-eyed Anakin on Mustafar.

Her heart clenched in her chest.

Love wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Padmé’s breathing slowed to almost a halt.

 _How can you call this love when it hurts so much?_ she thought sadly.

She exhaled for the last time.

A small, quiet voice whispered, “ _This isn’t love_.”


End file.
